I made a second blog to encompass my occult and paranormal and spiritual thoughts/experiences. I felt like I really needed a space just to write about those things, someplace (even if it's cyberspace) dedicated. So if your interested pop over there and check it out.
foxspillars.blogspot.com
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
A humorous response
I was reading about a study done by holland today. It was a study about the recent trend in the world where more women are being born and men developing far more feministic traits then normal. And while the article was very interesting the results pretty crazy. I found the responses and comments to be almost histerical. One commentor wanted to remind everyone that god is the creator and that all answers are with him. Well here is one guys' response to that post.
"you appear to want to educate people regarding God�s law. I have learned a great deal and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For instance, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination; end of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem, is my neighbours, they claim the odour is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to The Welsh but not The Scots. Can you clarify?
5) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. I have reported him to the Police but they seem little interested, they say that the CPS would not follow up on it. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don�t agree. Can you settle this?
7) Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
I know that you have studied these things extensively so I am confident you can help. Thankyou again for reminding us that God is real, eternal and unchanging
"you appear to want to educate people regarding God�s law. I have learned a great deal and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For instance, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination; end of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem, is my neighbours, they claim the odour is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to The Welsh but not The Scots. Can you clarify?
5) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. I have reported him to the Police but they seem little interested, they say that the CPS would not follow up on it. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don�t agree. Can you settle this?
7) Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
I know that you have studied these things extensively so I am confident you can help. Thankyou again for reminding us that God is real, eternal and unchanging
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Aww I AMM SADS!!
"If your dream was to one day see a Sum 41/
Avril Lavigne supergroup, we’ve got some
miserable news for you.
You have crap dreams. Seriously, try and upgrade your ambition a little. Oh, and the other piece of miserable news is that the aforementioned supergroup will never come to pass – following their recent split announcement, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have filed for divorce.
Apparently Avril Lavigne cited irreconcilable differences in her divorce papers, but that’s just legal talk. We think it means that they had to get divorced because literally nobody on the planet had thought about either of them once in the last two years.
Exciting news! There’s a very good chance that Avril Lavigne’s next record will be her messy break-up album! Hooray! Finally, we’ll get to see what gems can be conjured up when the brains behind Sk8er Boi and that Girlfriend song that sounded like every other song ever gets to plumb the very depths of her emotion. So chances are most of the songs will be identical to Sk8er Boi and Girlfriend, except they’ll have lyrics that rhyme ’sad’ with ‘bad’ and ‘divorce’ with ‘horse’.
Because, you see, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are no more. Although they announced their split a few weeks ago, Avril Lavigne has now formally filed for divorce. E! Online paints the sad picture of their final days together:
Irreconcilable differences were cited as the reason for the split, according to the petition filed last Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court… A source told E! News that Lavigne and Whibley had been “growing apart for months. They have become more like business partners rather than husband and wife.”
Just so you know, we think that ‘irreconcilable differences’ is a just a box that needs to be checked on the divorce form. Avril Lavigne almost certainly didn’t have to write it down by herself, otherwise we’re pretty sure that that the reason cited for the split would have been ‘I AMM SADS’ written in fingerpaint next to a crude picture of a sad face.
Similarly, we’re not sure that we buy this whole ‘business partner’ thing, either. Because if Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley really were business partners, then their business would have been stupid-haired pop-rock that nobody has really liked for at least five years, and their board of shareholders would have given them a vote of no confidence long before now.
But whatever the reason for their divorce, we hope that both Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley can go on to find happiness in other areas of their lives. For instance, maybe Avril Lavigne could throw herself into education and finally work out what that tricky number that comes after six is. And as long as there’s television there’ll always be a desperate need for a minor bumbling sitcom character called Deryck Whibley.
We wish them both well. By which we mean that we hope we never hear anything about either of them ever again."
That's right, she's a free woman again! Finally!
*copied from hecklerspray.com*
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Those damn satanists!!
This is a story from a website I found, that has been making me laugh loudly all night!
"Satanists can certainly be a pesky bunch. Not only do they insist on slitting goats all over town and hanging the entrails in a tinsel-like fashion around old abandoned barns, but their people skills are generally limited too. For instance, according to former mayor 'Ken Williams,' some time ago they kidnapped him and made him hide from his first family for approximately three decades.
Honestly devil-people, if you're gonna pull that kind of stuff then you are absolutely not welcome in any traditional society. Go on now – git.
Thirty years ago Ken Williams was named Don LaRose, and he was a podium-thumping preacher-man in New York state. Well apparently that didn't sit well with the New York's vast population of satanists, who he says nabbed him and administered several electro-shock treatments to drive their point home.
At some point the satanists told LaRose he had a choice – either join them or watch his wife and two kids murdered right in front of him.
Williams/LaRose explains his dilemma:
"The choice was to watch my family killed in front of my eyes or go with these people, and I chose instead to run."
He chose neither, and got out of town. He changed his name and went into hiding. Then at some point, as any government protection agency will tell you is a very wise move – he ran for mayor of Centerton, Arkansas in 2001 – and won the office. He says he didn't even remember about his old life until he was for some reason injected by a truth serum.
No details as to why he took the serum – but there are details as to how his almost 30 years in hiding began to fall apart. Williams, perhaps drawn by the deepest regions of his subconscious to his other self, or perhaps because the electro-shocks made him a touch retarded, started an incredibly detailed website about the life and disappearance of Don LaRose – starting with the marriage of LaRose's parents. The wife and two kids that he'd ditched years earlier stumbled upon the site, and wondered why of all the disappearances in the world Williams had decided to focus so intently on LaRose.
Then Bam! Truth serum and what have you. As we said in the beginning – those pesky satanists."
"Satanists can certainly be a pesky bunch. Not only do they insist on slitting goats all over town and hanging the entrails in a tinsel-like fashion around old abandoned barns, but their people skills are generally limited too. For instance, according to former mayor 'Ken Williams,' some time ago they kidnapped him and made him hide from his first family for approximately three decades.
Honestly devil-people, if you're gonna pull that kind of stuff then you are absolutely not welcome in any traditional society. Go on now – git.
Thirty years ago Ken Williams was named Don LaRose, and he was a podium-thumping preacher-man in New York state. Well apparently that didn't sit well with the New York's vast population of satanists, who he says nabbed him and administered several electro-shock treatments to drive their point home.
At some point the satanists told LaRose he had a choice – either join them or watch his wife and two kids murdered right in front of him.
Williams/LaRose explains his dilemma:
"The choice was to watch my family killed in front of my eyes or go with these people, and I chose instead to run."
He chose neither, and got out of town. He changed his name and went into hiding. Then at some point, as any government protection agency will tell you is a very wise move – he ran for mayor of Centerton, Arkansas in 2001 – and won the office. He says he didn't even remember about his old life until he was for some reason injected by a truth serum.
No details as to why he took the serum – but there are details as to how his almost 30 years in hiding began to fall apart. Williams, perhaps drawn by the deepest regions of his subconscious to his other self, or perhaps because the electro-shocks made him a touch retarded, started an incredibly detailed website about the life and disappearance of Don LaRose – starting with the marriage of LaRose's parents. The wife and two kids that he'd ditched years earlier stumbled upon the site, and wondered why of all the disappearances in the world Williams had decided to focus so intently on LaRose.
Then Bam! Truth serum and what have you. As we said in the beginning – those pesky satanists."
I found this interesting
LONDON (Reuters) – Why do some women's hearts race over the feminine features of Orlando Bloom while others are more attracted tomacho men like Daniel Craig?
Being on the contraceptive pill could be the reason, according to British scientists.
Researchers said that women whose hormones are chemically controlled are less likely to seek out muscular, rugged men.
Whereas, they say, ovulating women not on the pill "exhibit a preference for more masculine features, are particularly attracted to men showing dominance and male-male competitiveness and prefer partners who are genetically dissimilar to themselves."
Women on the pill tend to pick more effeminate men who look like themselves. This could lead to problems conceiving, according to the study conducted at the University of Sheffield.
"There is evidence that genetic similarity between couples might be linked with infertility," said the study, published in the Trends in Ecology and Evolution medical journal.
The birth control pill could also throw a spanner in the works of the laws of natural attraction as it prevents women giving off monthly fertility signals believed to be subtly alluring to men.
"Ovulation is associated with a profound shift in some female physical characteristics, behaviors and perceptions related to male attraction," the report said.
Being on the contraceptive pill could be the reason, according to British scientists.
Researchers said that women whose hormones are chemically controlled are less likely to seek out muscular, rugged men.
Whereas, they say, ovulating women not on the pill "exhibit a preference for more masculine features, are particularly attracted to men showing dominance and male-male competitiveness and prefer partners who are genetically dissimilar to themselves."
Women on the pill tend to pick more effeminate men who look like themselves. This could lead to problems conceiving, according to the study conducted at the University of Sheffield.
"There is evidence that genetic similarity between couples might be linked with infertility," said the study, published in the Trends in Ecology and Evolution medical journal.
The birth control pill could also throw a spanner in the works of the laws of natural attraction as it prevents women giving off monthly fertility signals believed to be subtly alluring to men.
"Ovulation is associated with a profound shift in some female physical characteristics, behaviors and perceptions related to male attraction," the report said.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
My crazy ass dream!
I was standing inside my apartment, (it was the apartment I lived in when I lived with my dad in park city.) I was looking outside the porch sliding glass door. It was snowing outside, (i had turned the ac on before I went to bed, god knows why, and I think the cold in my room is the reason it was snowing and cold in my dream.) I went outside and got on my bike. As soon as I did I remembered dreaming about this before. Riding my bike near these apartments in the snow. I decided to ride my bike down the road towards the exit of the apartments. As I aproached the exiting street I remembered being attacked here in my previous dream. By something that was as big as a lion. I hesitated and my friend behind me asked me why I didn't go forward, (my friend had not been there a moment before, nor do i know who he is lol) So i told him how last time I was attacked here for trying to leave. He was horrified and told me I should hunt it down and kill it for attacking me. So I informed him of how big it was. He promptly ran inside.
I turned my bike around and began riding down to the trail that ran alongside the ditch by the apartments. At the entrance to the trail was a pack of white wolves. I remembered seeing one there when i was younger and realized that this must be the family of that wolf, they welcomed me and licked my hand rubbed up against me. I decided that since they were my kin they would help me with the big thing that attacked me before. So i asked them to follow me and they did. I rode my bike to the exit again and the wolves ran along side me. When we got to the place where i was attacked there was a loud wooshing sound. And something huge flew out the bushes and up in the air. It sprayed snow everywhere and I had to wipe off my face. When I looked up there was a huge bird in the sky. But it didn't look like a bird exactly. It's wings were rounded and then came to tip at it's long tail. Like a manta ray almost. The thought "Thunderbird" rang loudly through my mind. Me and the wolves watched quietly as it flew away over the mountain.
The wolves began to growl deep in their chests and I looked to where they were looking. A large animal was walking towards me. It was big and looked like a lion, but it had the head of an owl like bird. And huge feathery wings at it's side. When it got close it kneeled before me showing submission, and the wolves stopped growling. I was scared because I knew this was what had attacked me. It spoke to me and told me I had seen a Thunderbird, and that it was a privledge to see them. Then it told me I needed to become the spirit of truth again. I didn't say anything because i was so cold. Then I realized i was naked on my bike. And I was freezing!
Then i woke up naked in my room with the ac blowing cold air on me. It was very cold.
I turned my bike around and began riding down to the trail that ran alongside the ditch by the apartments. At the entrance to the trail was a pack of white wolves. I remembered seeing one there when i was younger and realized that this must be the family of that wolf, they welcomed me and licked my hand rubbed up against me. I decided that since they were my kin they would help me with the big thing that attacked me before. So i asked them to follow me and they did. I rode my bike to the exit again and the wolves ran along side me. When we got to the place where i was attacked there was a loud wooshing sound. And something huge flew out the bushes and up in the air. It sprayed snow everywhere and I had to wipe off my face. When I looked up there was a huge bird in the sky. But it didn't look like a bird exactly. It's wings were rounded and then came to tip at it's long tail. Like a manta ray almost. The thought "Thunderbird" rang loudly through my mind. Me and the wolves watched quietly as it flew away over the mountain.
The wolves began to growl deep in their chests and I looked to where they were looking. A large animal was walking towards me. It was big and looked like a lion, but it had the head of an owl like bird. And huge feathery wings at it's side. When it got close it kneeled before me showing submission, and the wolves stopped growling. I was scared because I knew this was what had attacked me. It spoke to me and told me I had seen a Thunderbird, and that it was a privledge to see them. Then it told me I needed to become the spirit of truth again. I didn't say anything because i was so cold. Then I realized i was naked on my bike. And I was freezing!
Then i woke up naked in my room with the ac blowing cold air on me. It was very cold.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Stupid Phrases that Boggle me
"Hey how are you today?"
"Peachy keen jelly bean!"
"......What the fuck does that mean?"
"Um... it means i'm fine...?"
"Why didn't you just say that instead of that retarded phrase that means nothing?"
"Because... I thought I was being cool.. or cute.. or something..."
"Well you were just being stupid... stupid."
"Sorry...."
Has this happened to you? Why do people say stuff like this??? I mean seriously? How can a peach be keen? It's a fruit! And why the fuck are you calling me a jelly bean?? And how does being keen make you fruitish? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Oh i'm fit as a fiddle!"
".... in what way are you like a fiddle?"
"Um... i'm fit.. like one?"
"How is a fiddle fit????" XD
"....."
Seriously?? Who came up with phrases like this? Where does a fiddle fit? And how can someone mimic that? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
"Peachy keen jelly bean!"
"......What the fuck does that mean?"
"Um... it means i'm fine...?"
"Why didn't you just say that instead of that retarded phrase that means nothing?"
"Because... I thought I was being cool.. or cute.. or something..."
"Well you were just being stupid... stupid."
"Sorry...."
Has this happened to you? Why do people say stuff like this??? I mean seriously? How can a peach be keen? It's a fruit! And why the fuck are you calling me a jelly bean?? And how does being keen make you fruitish? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Oh i'm fit as a fiddle!"
".... in what way are you like a fiddle?"
"Um... i'm fit.. like one?"
"How is a fiddle fit????" XD
"....."
Seriously?? Who came up with phrases like this? Where does a fiddle fit? And how can someone mimic that? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Auto run
I was thinking about this doing this after seeing Josh do it. Fo some reason tonight felt right so I tried to have an auto writing session of my own to see what I got. I did feel someone or something guiding my hand and while I thought It took a few minutes to do, it actually took almost twenty minutes. I am going to type what I can read though some of it looks illegible.
"The more.... to be... sta... this... a form of the music show the sign to another the sign is a circle under another mans thougt it ... this ... I need more paper
I will tell you some of what I know for now you must on y listen to m with your heart this is ... can tell u I yuo are the kim under a mask in a gin... of hope and pe
to tell the truth I do nol velo thers is let me control the hand do not fight (alot of circles) see with your hearo nt eyes know truth be their and here live now ther and never look bacd this whit yewn ... time will tell you the be ... to h ... r with the we ...
I am not you believe me I am that what you sent for I am your aid I speak to you but you have shut me out with the world you are to strong to be yelled at I cannot get through untill you allow me like no...
I am here you must believe me as I gude your hnd in this witing and deel me at you back you are m y charge and your ... ... and champion you shall be stong with m ... and ut he ys only open to us and you will see
a great thing in you is you and your mind is strong but your heart is raw and true and powerful letint openand your sighl will be cleared. I will show you nowgive me more paper
This is a sirg mor yu to open your door"
The "..." is where the writing was unreadable, I could not make anything from it. And the gaps are different pieces of paper. The sign that was drawn on the last piece of paper really doesn't translate into written word... it just looks like scribbles lol. But I will look at it and see if I can get anything out of it. I started it at 2:22am and ended at 2:41am.
Thanks Josh for giving me the idea to do this. It's a great exercise to help open the mind.
Seth
"The more.... to be... sta... this... a form of the music show the sign to another the sign is a circle under another mans thougt it ... this ... I need more paper
I will tell you some of what I know for now you must on y listen to m with your heart this is ... can tell u I yuo are the kim under a mask in a gin... of hope and pe
to tell the truth I do nol velo thers is let me control the hand do not fight (alot of circles) see with your hearo nt eyes know truth be their and here live now ther and never look bacd this whit yewn ... time will tell you the be ... to h ... r with the we ...
I am not you believe me I am that what you sent for I am your aid I speak to you but you have shut me out with the world you are to strong to be yelled at I cannot get through untill you allow me like no...
I am here you must believe me as I gude your hnd in this witing and deel me at you back you are m y charge and your ... ... and champion you shall be stong with m ... and ut he ys only open to us and you will see
a great thing in you is you and your mind is strong but your heart is raw and true and powerful letint openand your sighl will be cleared. I will show you nowgive me more paper
This is a sirg mor yu to open your door"
The "..." is where the writing was unreadable, I could not make anything from it. And the gaps are different pieces of paper. The sign that was drawn on the last piece of paper really doesn't translate into written word... it just looks like scribbles lol. But I will look at it and see if I can get anything out of it. I started it at 2:22am and ended at 2:41am.
Thanks Josh for giving me the idea to do this. It's a great exercise to help open the mind.
Seth
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Tribute to Anita Blake
I've been reading the Anita Blake series for a while now. As it began it was a great series, involving a legally employed Vampire executioner. She did alot of detective work and got in all sorts of trouble. I am currently on book number thirteen in the series. And it has devolved to an erotic novel at this point. At first when the main character had sex in the book, it was stylish and went with the story arch. Though in this last novel it has had so little to do with detective work or vampire executing, that when those scenarios do come forward they seem awkward and unimportant. To show what I mean I will now write a mock chapter. This is not from the book but it will use exageration and less between stuff to show what reading this novel has been like.
*clears throat, and cracks knuckles*
Incubus Dreams: chapter 30something
I turned in my seat to see Nathaniel in the back seat of the car looking at me. His lavender eyes betrayed nothing as he gave me that gallic shrug that means nothing and everything. I frowned as I thought about him. Remembering how I always like to take care of him, and how the smell of vanilla, his smell, made me feel at home. I looked down his body as he shifted in the car and remembered he was naked. Heat rushed to my face before I could look away from the line of his body. He frowned.
"What's wrong Anita?" He looked at me concerned, his lavender eyes studying my face. "Your embarrassed because i'm naked." It wasn't a question. Damn. I hated it when people could know me so well.
"It just caught me offguard is all." Even I knew I was lying. When I need to I can let a lie even reach my eyes. The first time I did that, I thought I had crossed a line. Before that I could not lie if my life depended on it. Now sometimes I even fooled myself. But not this time. Even I could smell the lie as my pulse sped up.
"No it didn't." His voice was so close it made me look up. His face was so close to mine we could have kissed. I breathed in sharp and my pulse quickened, and somewhere low in my stomach tightened. I hated that he could do this to me. That just seeing him naked could make blush. "Don't get angry Anita." He lifted his hand to my chin and held my face in place, as if he knew I was about to turn away. I looked into his lavender eyes and the Ardeur arose.
His eyes went wide with surprise as it touched him. He recoiled into the back seat as if his hands had burnt just from touching me. His eyes looked scared but looking down his body I knew it was ready. Ready for me. The Ardeur had already touched him, already made him hunger for me.
"Whoa! What the hell are you guys doing? I just felt a rush of energy that's making my skin crawl!" Jason said from the drivers seat. Though I could barely hear him, like a sailor calling from a ship at sea as I stood on shore. I think he asked how long had it been since I fed the Ardeur, but I was too busy wrapping my hands on Nathaniel's thighs. I didn't remember crawling into the back seat.
I stopped and sat back. I was missing time, that's not good. The Ardeur retreated, moving back a little to let myself come to the front. It was still there but I was me for the moment. I looked up into Nathaniel's eyes and let him see my worry. He leaned forward to touch me. It wasn't anything sexual. I learned that while being the Nimr-ra for the wereleopards, that sometimes touch has nothing to do with sex. And that lycanthropes used touch to alot feel safe and home. But whatever he was touching me for the Ardeur didn't care. It roared to life the moment Nathaniels finger touched my skin. His eyes went wide as he felt it push into him, and I heard a soft moan from the drivers seat where Jason sat.
I moved forward placing my hand on Nathaniels bare chest, pushing him hard into the seat.
(at this point I will save you the detail laced story and summarize, to give you a feel of the events of the book. Actually what I wrote never took place in the book but I was showing how a typical scene starts lol)
I took all of Nathaniel into my mouth. Then I felt Jason enter me from behind. When we were done we met Jean-claude at the strip club he owned. Me and him had sex in his office while he fed on blood from my breast. Then he had to control a rogue vampire so I had sex in the back office with a random vampire that was there. Then I went down to the basement which is my boyfriends home, and I had sex with Jean-claude again, but this time with another vampire Asher at the same time. then I got called to check out a murder scene. I talked to some vampires and then went back to my vampire boyfriends basement home and had sex with Nathaniel to prove i could without the ardeur. then after that I had sex with him again because of the ardeur but this time Jason had sex with me too at the same time. then my ex-fiance Richard (who is a werewolf king) came in and got made and punched me, so I took him to talk with my vampire boyfriend Jean-claude who talked Richard into having sex with me and Jean-claude at the same time.... and then I had sex with werewolf I never met before. And then i had to have sex with richard to feed the ardeur because richard needed energy for a fight, so I had sex with Micah.. he's my other boyfriend (a wereleopard).
Yeah... *slams his head on to the desk* Oh i forgot to mention the part where she has a lap dance that causes her to have an orgasm on stage....
what the hell am I reading this for *cries to himself*
*clears throat, and cracks knuckles*
Incubus Dreams: chapter 30something
I turned in my seat to see Nathaniel in the back seat of the car looking at me. His lavender eyes betrayed nothing as he gave me that gallic shrug that means nothing and everything. I frowned as I thought about him. Remembering how I always like to take care of him, and how the smell of vanilla, his smell, made me feel at home. I looked down his body as he shifted in the car and remembered he was naked. Heat rushed to my face before I could look away from the line of his body. He frowned.
"What's wrong Anita?" He looked at me concerned, his lavender eyes studying my face. "Your embarrassed because i'm naked." It wasn't a question. Damn. I hated it when people could know me so well.
"It just caught me offguard is all." Even I knew I was lying. When I need to I can let a lie even reach my eyes. The first time I did that, I thought I had crossed a line. Before that I could not lie if my life depended on it. Now sometimes I even fooled myself. But not this time. Even I could smell the lie as my pulse sped up.
"No it didn't." His voice was so close it made me look up. His face was so close to mine we could have kissed. I breathed in sharp and my pulse quickened, and somewhere low in my stomach tightened. I hated that he could do this to me. That just seeing him naked could make blush. "Don't get angry Anita." He lifted his hand to my chin and held my face in place, as if he knew I was about to turn away. I looked into his lavender eyes and the Ardeur arose.
His eyes went wide with surprise as it touched him. He recoiled into the back seat as if his hands had burnt just from touching me. His eyes looked scared but looking down his body I knew it was ready. Ready for me. The Ardeur had already touched him, already made him hunger for me.
"Whoa! What the hell are you guys doing? I just felt a rush of energy that's making my skin crawl!" Jason said from the drivers seat. Though I could barely hear him, like a sailor calling from a ship at sea as I stood on shore. I think he asked how long had it been since I fed the Ardeur, but I was too busy wrapping my hands on Nathaniel's thighs. I didn't remember crawling into the back seat.
I stopped and sat back. I was missing time, that's not good. The Ardeur retreated, moving back a little to let myself come to the front. It was still there but I was me for the moment. I looked up into Nathaniel's eyes and let him see my worry. He leaned forward to touch me. It wasn't anything sexual. I learned that while being the Nimr-ra for the wereleopards, that sometimes touch has nothing to do with sex. And that lycanthropes used touch to alot feel safe and home. But whatever he was touching me for the Ardeur didn't care. It roared to life the moment Nathaniels finger touched my skin. His eyes went wide as he felt it push into him, and I heard a soft moan from the drivers seat where Jason sat.
I moved forward placing my hand on Nathaniels bare chest, pushing him hard into the seat.
(at this point I will save you the detail laced story and summarize, to give you a feel of the events of the book. Actually what I wrote never took place in the book but I was showing how a typical scene starts lol)
I took all of Nathaniel into my mouth. Then I felt Jason enter me from behind. When we were done we met Jean-claude at the strip club he owned. Me and him had sex in his office while he fed on blood from my breast. Then he had to control a rogue vampire so I had sex in the back office with a random vampire that was there. Then I went down to the basement which is my boyfriends home, and I had sex with Jean-claude again, but this time with another vampire Asher at the same time. then I got called to check out a murder scene. I talked to some vampires and then went back to my vampire boyfriends basement home and had sex with Nathaniel to prove i could without the ardeur. then after that I had sex with him again because of the ardeur but this time Jason had sex with me too at the same time. then my ex-fiance Richard (who is a werewolf king) came in and got made and punched me, so I took him to talk with my vampire boyfriend Jean-claude who talked Richard into having sex with me and Jean-claude at the same time.... and then I had sex with werewolf I never met before. And then i had to have sex with richard to feed the ardeur because richard needed energy for a fight, so I had sex with Micah.. he's my other boyfriend (a wereleopard).
Yeah... *slams his head on to the desk* Oh i forgot to mention the part where she has a lap dance that causes her to have an orgasm on stage....
what the hell am I reading this for *cries to himself*
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I started the day out, tired as hell. I fell asleep last night reading. Though that does not even describe it! I actually was so tired, but so determined to read, that I was reading with one eye barely open because I did not have enough energy to keep two eyes open. With my hands just laying on the book keeping it open, again because I didn't have enough energy to hold the book. I love to read! But sometimes when I am reading a book, I think i get too obsessed with it for my own good. If I don't take a break from a book, I read it straight through, sometimes in one sitting. I have been trying to take breaks... nadya just broke down my door... anyways, to take breaks and read books leisurely. Though I find when I get close to finishing something I will overtax myself to the point of absolute exhaustion to finish it. Hmm...
Though I digress.
I was tired and working. And I knew I had a lot to do today. I had a front desk meeting scheduled. And then my energy started to build. Some things happened that frustrated me but I tried to let them pass and not linger on them. And my energy built more. It started to get to where I was riding the energy. It was so much I found myself bursting into song, and saying random things that made no sense. I even jumped out to the front desk at one point doing a wave motion with my arms! I was trying to ride it like a bronco horse. Then I got off work, and my mind was so active and filled with so much energy I didn't even remember driving when I got home.
Side note. Earlier I was trying to think of Jack Blacks name. I could not, no matter how hard I pictured his face, no matter how much I focused on him, could not remember his name. It felt like my head was too full of information, and that little info was something that had to be dumped. Like I had to forget Jack Black's name in order to remember something else. I asked Dallin and He told me the name. And now I worry... what did I have to forget to re-remember Jack Black's name? And was it worth losing that knowledge to know his name?
Though I digress once more.
When I got home it was an awesome night and I offered Kyle, my brother, some pizza. Because Liz saved me an entire pizza that was huge. So we ate and then went outside. Dallin joined us while Nadya worked on her computer. Then we were talking and hanging out, and me Kyle decided to sword fight. We did, and it was epic. We fought and coreographed a little fight until well after dark. Until our arms were too sore to go on.
After that I came inside and me and Dallin ganged up on Nadya and mockingly teased her a little bit. And then I was feelig my arm. And my forearm was rock hard from sword fighting and I said "I bet I could crush a can with this forarm, because it's so hard." And Nadya rolled her eyes at me..... She rolled her eyes. That was it, I dashed for my room (more like walked briskly) and grabbed a can... because their's can's in my room. And took it into the kitchen. I then placed it on the ground... and yeah... I CRUSHED THE CAN WITH MY FOREARM!
And then I said I should write about it, so I did. And now I must eat to feed my forearm awesomeness!!!
Seth
Though I digress.
I was tired and working. And I knew I had a lot to do today. I had a front desk meeting scheduled. And then my energy started to build. Some things happened that frustrated me but I tried to let them pass and not linger on them. And my energy built more. It started to get to where I was riding the energy. It was so much I found myself bursting into song, and saying random things that made no sense. I even jumped out to the front desk at one point doing a wave motion with my arms! I was trying to ride it like a bronco horse. Then I got off work, and my mind was so active and filled with so much energy I didn't even remember driving when I got home.
Side note. Earlier I was trying to think of Jack Blacks name. I could not, no matter how hard I pictured his face, no matter how much I focused on him, could not remember his name. It felt like my head was too full of information, and that little info was something that had to be dumped. Like I had to forget Jack Black's name in order to remember something else. I asked Dallin and He told me the name. And now I worry... what did I have to forget to re-remember Jack Black's name? And was it worth losing that knowledge to know his name?
Though I digress once more.
When I got home it was an awesome night and I offered Kyle, my brother, some pizza. Because Liz saved me an entire pizza that was huge. So we ate and then went outside. Dallin joined us while Nadya worked on her computer. Then we were talking and hanging out, and me Kyle decided to sword fight. We did, and it was epic. We fought and coreographed a little fight until well after dark. Until our arms were too sore to go on.
After that I came inside and me and Dallin ganged up on Nadya and mockingly teased her a little bit. And then I was feelig my arm. And my forearm was rock hard from sword fighting and I said "I bet I could crush a can with this forarm, because it's so hard." And Nadya rolled her eyes at me..... She rolled her eyes. That was it, I dashed for my room (more like walked briskly) and grabbed a can... because their's can's in my room. And took it into the kitchen. I then placed it on the ground... and yeah... I CRUSHED THE CAN WITH MY FOREARM!
And then I said I should write about it, so I did. And now I must eat to feed my forearm awesomeness!!!
Seth
Monday, April 13, 2009
I stopped on the fourth floor. It was the one that stood out the most to me. The lines in the number seemed to glow with an inner burn. Like hot coals sitting in the night. The door opened and in front of me lay a valley to my left, with tree's making a wall. To my right was a mountain side, where homes and buildings were carved into it.
The air in front of me began to bend and wave. The movement made a mist that took on the general form of a human. It reached out to me. I imediately became defensive and crouched away. It stopped for a moment, and then it began to dance. It danced with fluid movements of it's body. Like air dancing with purpose. I began to feel something but I was reluctant to feel it. I did not want to feel what this being was trying to convey to me.
It stopped dancing and stood there. And I thought it might be smiling, but I could not see a face, only mist. It held it's arms out in an open gesture. I felt more and more like it was smiling. And then I realized that it was not smiling, it was happy. More than happy. It was love and happy and enjoyment all in one. No mere smile could convey how this being felt. And it was this way because I was here. This emotion that I can not label was due to my being here. I began to cry.
This made the being feel stronger and it jumped to me and embraced me in a hug. It flowed around me whispering in my ear without words. It said "This is because of you! Your presence makes me feel such! Feel this with me!" And I did. My eyes watered again and my chest heaved up, the breath gone from me.
And then I left, and went down the elevator.
And I realized how much emotion I block myself from experiencing.
The air in front of me began to bend and wave. The movement made a mist that took on the general form of a human. It reached out to me. I imediately became defensive and crouched away. It stopped for a moment, and then it began to dance. It danced with fluid movements of it's body. Like air dancing with purpose. I began to feel something but I was reluctant to feel it. I did not want to feel what this being was trying to convey to me.
It stopped dancing and stood there. And I thought it might be smiling, but I could not see a face, only mist. It held it's arms out in an open gesture. I felt more and more like it was smiling. And then I realized that it was not smiling, it was happy. More than happy. It was love and happy and enjoyment all in one. No mere smile could convey how this being felt. And it was this way because I was here. This emotion that I can not label was due to my being here. I began to cry.
This made the being feel stronger and it jumped to me and embraced me in a hug. It flowed around me whispering in my ear without words. It said "This is because of you! Your presence makes me feel such! Feel this with me!" And I did. My eyes watered again and my chest heaved up, the breath gone from me.
And then I left, and went down the elevator.
And I realized how much emotion I block myself from experiencing.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
It has been a long time since my last post. And today I am working the night shift alone, and I am very very bored. And I have enough energy to fill an elephant. So I thought I would post something. But I am not sure what this post is about. So let's explore that for a minute.
This post derived from my having too much energy to contain. And I was very very bored. So this post is about an expression of energy, while having the time and energy to write such a post. So in line with the subject of this post let's continue.
I am answering the phone right now, this moment. I just had a very nice conversation with a girl named stephanie. It amazes me how many girls go gaga when i talk to them on the phone. They melt like hot butter. She told me about her part time job, and how old she is, and where she lives, and how often she works, and that she is recently single and her favorite color is green, with out me asking anything.
Now I just got swarmed by ukrainians. They are funny people, i like them alot. And there are some that are gorgeous. But the one's I like are the ones that are very simple. they don't dress like girls in america that look like them would. They dress simple and plain, and that somehow makes them stand out to me as more beautiful. I'm having a conversation with a ukrainian right now while i type this, and we are making hand signals to try and decern what the other is saying. The funny thing is we are both also talking in our own languages even though neither of us understands eachother. And we are both talking louder and slower. It's fun, like an adventure in communication. The funny part is I am picking up words and their meaning through the conversation. I think I have a good ear for accents and words. The ukrainians that speak english are telling me I have a perfect accent. Maybe they tell everyone that?
One time I became afraid that someone was going to throw hot speghetti at me through the internet, and I feared it would burn me.
Some things are universal. this ukrainian girl is upset with her husband because the converter they have is not working. he is trying to fix the problem and she is getting more upset with him because he's ignoring her anger and trying to fix the problem. So she walked away and he started shruging at me and shaking his head. And we both looked at eachother with this knowing look.. that look? "Fucking women." It was awesome. it's nice to know that women can annoy the hell out of men no matter where or what race you are. And that men can mess things up and not react right to a woman as well. Ha ha.
Oh god it's only been ten minutes since I started writing... i have too much energy!!!
Every time I sit in a bathroom stall I picture in my head punching through the door. And when i sit in a bathroom, i picture balancing a sword on my fingure tips and then thrust it through the door. And when i stand at a urinal I picture breaking the tile's with my head.
I purposefully physically try and put myself in a submissive state, to seem less threatening. I sit lower or slouch so i'm sitting lower or I look at the ground.
Today in a dream someone told me they were coming for me. I wanted to know when. They said soon.
I wonder if vagina's can smoke, I was told today that assholes can drink.
If I had a girlfriend, the tie would be on the bedroom door tonight, and someone would be making noises like a rabbit, i can't promise it wouldn't be me.
what I wrote right above this line made me laugh very hard, picturing me making rabbit noises whilst the sex was a happening.
I'm still laughing
One time a girl asked me if blue balls actually hurts, upon answering a deffinately yes, she then asked why do guys masturbate then. I didn't understand the question. She then clarified. "Why do guys masturbate if they just keep giving themselves blue balls, if it hurts why do you do it?" I laughed for a half hour straight. Silly girls.
Omg I'm laughing again about the rabbit noises.
I'm dying for a smoke....
I can feel the craving coming, it's overwhelming me!!!
okay it passed, but I am thirsty
God I'm thirsty. I really really need a sugary carbonated drink
I really want a diet coke, scratch that, I was a nice burning regular coke
Something that burns on the way down and sticks like syrup. I want something completely unhealthy right now. I want a nice big burger straight from the grill, still dripping with juices boiling from the heat of the flame. I want a coke in a clear glass with ice, and condensation on the outside. And I want to drink it from a straw. Scratch that, I do want it to be a diet coke. But I don't want to run out.
That's one of my fantasy's in life, having an unending supply of soda. To never run out, no matter how much I drink I don't run out. Oh god that sounds awesome!! And it doesn't have to be soda, but some drink with sugar, that never ever runs out, I can drink it forever!!!
I'm thinking about salivating at that thought but that would be too much like Homer.
How funny that america has taken a name so great as Homer, a name known to the world! And devolved it into a rambling bafoon of a man. Blah!!!
I'm going to write a bible that has Seth kill Kane, i'm tired of being portrayed as the pussy third son of adam. "My name is Seth of Adam and Eve. You killed my brother, prepare to die!"
I really need a massage, or however you spell that. God I don't remember ever getting a real one. And my muscles are sore as hell. Oh god!!! Getting a massage while drinking my endless amount of diet coke!!! I think i might salivate after all!
And while getting my massage and drinking my endless diet coke, i will be making rabbit noises!!
OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!
This post derived from my having too much energy to contain. And I was very very bored. So this post is about an expression of energy, while having the time and energy to write such a post. So in line with the subject of this post let's continue.
I am answering the phone right now, this moment. I just had a very nice conversation with a girl named stephanie. It amazes me how many girls go gaga when i talk to them on the phone. They melt like hot butter. She told me about her part time job, and how old she is, and where she lives, and how often she works, and that she is recently single and her favorite color is green, with out me asking anything.
Now I just got swarmed by ukrainians. They are funny people, i like them alot. And there are some that are gorgeous. But the one's I like are the ones that are very simple. they don't dress like girls in america that look like them would. They dress simple and plain, and that somehow makes them stand out to me as more beautiful. I'm having a conversation with a ukrainian right now while i type this, and we are making hand signals to try and decern what the other is saying. The funny thing is we are both also talking in our own languages even though neither of us understands eachother. And we are both talking louder and slower. It's fun, like an adventure in communication. The funny part is I am picking up words and their meaning through the conversation. I think I have a good ear for accents and words. The ukrainians that speak english are telling me I have a perfect accent. Maybe they tell everyone that?
One time I became afraid that someone was going to throw hot speghetti at me through the internet, and I feared it would burn me.
Some things are universal. this ukrainian girl is upset with her husband because the converter they have is not working. he is trying to fix the problem and she is getting more upset with him because he's ignoring her anger and trying to fix the problem. So she walked away and he started shruging at me and shaking his head. And we both looked at eachother with this knowing look.. that look? "Fucking women." It was awesome. it's nice to know that women can annoy the hell out of men no matter where or what race you are. And that men can mess things up and not react right to a woman as well. Ha ha.
Oh god it's only been ten minutes since I started writing... i have too much energy!!!
Every time I sit in a bathroom stall I picture in my head punching through the door. And when i sit in a bathroom, i picture balancing a sword on my fingure tips and then thrust it through the door. And when i stand at a urinal I picture breaking the tile's with my head.
I purposefully physically try and put myself in a submissive state, to seem less threatening. I sit lower or slouch so i'm sitting lower or I look at the ground.
Today in a dream someone told me they were coming for me. I wanted to know when. They said soon.
I wonder if vagina's can smoke, I was told today that assholes can drink.
If I had a girlfriend, the tie would be on the bedroom door tonight, and someone would be making noises like a rabbit, i can't promise it wouldn't be me.
what I wrote right above this line made me laugh very hard, picturing me making rabbit noises whilst the sex was a happening.
I'm still laughing
One time a girl asked me if blue balls actually hurts, upon answering a deffinately yes, she then asked why do guys masturbate then. I didn't understand the question. She then clarified. "Why do guys masturbate if they just keep giving themselves blue balls, if it hurts why do you do it?" I laughed for a half hour straight. Silly girls.
Omg I'm laughing again about the rabbit noises.
I'm dying for a smoke....
I can feel the craving coming, it's overwhelming me!!!
okay it passed, but I am thirsty
God I'm thirsty. I really really need a sugary carbonated drink
I really want a diet coke, scratch that, I was a nice burning regular coke
Something that burns on the way down and sticks like syrup. I want something completely unhealthy right now. I want a nice big burger straight from the grill, still dripping with juices boiling from the heat of the flame. I want a coke in a clear glass with ice, and condensation on the outside. And I want to drink it from a straw. Scratch that, I do want it to be a diet coke. But I don't want to run out.
That's one of my fantasy's in life, having an unending supply of soda. To never run out, no matter how much I drink I don't run out. Oh god that sounds awesome!! And it doesn't have to be soda, but some drink with sugar, that never ever runs out, I can drink it forever!!!
I'm thinking about salivating at that thought but that would be too much like Homer.
How funny that america has taken a name so great as Homer, a name known to the world! And devolved it into a rambling bafoon of a man. Blah!!!
I'm going to write a bible that has Seth kill Kane, i'm tired of being portrayed as the pussy third son of adam. "My name is Seth of Adam and Eve. You killed my brother, prepare to die!"
I really need a massage, or however you spell that. God I don't remember ever getting a real one. And my muscles are sore as hell. Oh god!!! Getting a massage while drinking my endless amount of diet coke!!! I think i might salivate after all!
And while getting my massage and drinking my endless diet coke, i will be making rabbit noises!!
OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
My Dream
I was running on a plateau that was grassy. I was worried because it would be night soon. It was halloween night. On the edge of the plateau stood an old man, a native american. As I reached the edge there was a town ahead of me at the bottom of the plateau. It was a long drop down and there was a long twisting path to the north, with steps and a guard rail. The old Native American looked at me and told me it was a long way down, and that no one ever was brave enough to do it. I looked down and it was very steep and full of sand and grass. Some of this man's tribe gathered around the edge to watch and see if I would jump. The wind began to blow me back away from the edge. I looked at the old man and nodded, and then lept, sliding down the side. As I neared the bottom I saw a long tree branch laying in my path, I decided to slide over it, letting it pass between my legs. As I slid over I saw that it moved and it was a rattle snake. As I passed it, it jerked up and bit at me. I stumbled to the bottom where several of my friends waited. I asked them hysterically if It had gotten me, If I had been bitten. They laughed at me casually and said no.
I was worried because it was halloween night, and on this night I new I would not be able to hide what I am. My friends all laughed at me because I was already in costume. Though I knew I wasn't. We were going to a party where my friends girlfriend lived. I became excited thinking that her sister would be there. We hurried there where I broke off from my friends to search for this girl. People kept looking at me strangly and complimented me on the realism of my costume. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was my real self, and knew I couldn't hide it this night. I was looking through the crowd and then I found her face, looking for me. She smiled and ran through the crowd into my arms. She smiled and thanked me for coming. Then some of her friends dragged her away. I moved around the party looking for my friends. I found one friend on a couch with his girlfriend. They were getting undressed. I looked around me and saw that everyone was getting on the ground and taking their clothes off. I grew frustrated and walked towards the door, as I did my friend pulled on a rope and a curtain closed behind me. I went back and pulled the curtain away slightly and called my friends name out quietly. He looked up at me while his girlfriend was kissing his body. I told him if he saw her sister to tell her I went out to walk. He nodded and I closed the curtain.
I left the house and went out into the night. I knew it was cold but I could not feel it. I was having problems containing my self. I was frustrated but knew I had to. this was the only night in the year that I could not hide my true self. And I had to be careful not to let the ones that hunt my kind find me. I was scared but felt free. I walked all around town. I went to a park and waited for her. She came shortly after and curled up in my lap. She told me I shouldn't be out today. I felt warm with her next to me. I knew something was getting close and told her to run home, and that I would find her in the morning. She did so crying. I looked around until I saw the Lion. He was a ghost of course, white flames envelopped him. He was hunting my kind. Everthing in me told me to fight him. Though I knew I couldn't. I wasn't like that. I wasn't the kind of monster that let it control me. I fought my instincts. So instead I turned and ran. I knew that it smelled me and was chasing me. I knew i could turn and fight, and I would win. One lion was no match for me. Fighting the instinct to turn and fight was the harder then it would have been to fight the Lion. But i kept running, exhilerated. I was moving so fast the things around me blurred. I ran home and inside and locked the door.
My friend was on the couch sleeping. I lay down on the floor hoping my heart would beat slower. My friend got up and ran into the bathroom and began washing his arms. He was getting upset about something but I wasn't paying much attention. Then i heard a hiss and I opened my eyes. There was a snake bearing it's fangs at me. I jumped up bewildered. Then I looked around and snakes were all over the room. I began to kick them away. I yelled to my friend if he knew where all the snakes had come from. He replied with a "yeah they're always there. They just are always afraid of you." I told them they were trying to get me now and he commented that that was strange. The snakes began to hiss my name and I ran to the bathroom and moved my friend out of the way. I began throwing handfulls of water at the snakes until they left. I sat down and saw the sun rise out the window. I changed back to my illusion. and smiled.
I woke up.
Seth
I was worried because it was halloween night, and on this night I new I would not be able to hide what I am. My friends all laughed at me because I was already in costume. Though I knew I wasn't. We were going to a party where my friends girlfriend lived. I became excited thinking that her sister would be there. We hurried there where I broke off from my friends to search for this girl. People kept looking at me strangly and complimented me on the realism of my costume. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was my real self, and knew I couldn't hide it this night. I was looking through the crowd and then I found her face, looking for me. She smiled and ran through the crowd into my arms. She smiled and thanked me for coming. Then some of her friends dragged her away. I moved around the party looking for my friends. I found one friend on a couch with his girlfriend. They were getting undressed. I looked around me and saw that everyone was getting on the ground and taking their clothes off. I grew frustrated and walked towards the door, as I did my friend pulled on a rope and a curtain closed behind me. I went back and pulled the curtain away slightly and called my friends name out quietly. He looked up at me while his girlfriend was kissing his body. I told him if he saw her sister to tell her I went out to walk. He nodded and I closed the curtain.
I left the house and went out into the night. I knew it was cold but I could not feel it. I was having problems containing my self. I was frustrated but knew I had to. this was the only night in the year that I could not hide my true self. And I had to be careful not to let the ones that hunt my kind find me. I was scared but felt free. I walked all around town. I went to a park and waited for her. She came shortly after and curled up in my lap. She told me I shouldn't be out today. I felt warm with her next to me. I knew something was getting close and told her to run home, and that I would find her in the morning. She did so crying. I looked around until I saw the Lion. He was a ghost of course, white flames envelopped him. He was hunting my kind. Everthing in me told me to fight him. Though I knew I couldn't. I wasn't like that. I wasn't the kind of monster that let it control me. I fought my instincts. So instead I turned and ran. I knew that it smelled me and was chasing me. I knew i could turn and fight, and I would win. One lion was no match for me. Fighting the instinct to turn and fight was the harder then it would have been to fight the Lion. But i kept running, exhilerated. I was moving so fast the things around me blurred. I ran home and inside and locked the door.
My friend was on the couch sleeping. I lay down on the floor hoping my heart would beat slower. My friend got up and ran into the bathroom and began washing his arms. He was getting upset about something but I wasn't paying much attention. Then i heard a hiss and I opened my eyes. There was a snake bearing it's fangs at me. I jumped up bewildered. Then I looked around and snakes were all over the room. I began to kick them away. I yelled to my friend if he knew where all the snakes had come from. He replied with a "yeah they're always there. They just are always afraid of you." I told them they were trying to get me now and he commented that that was strange. The snakes began to hiss my name and I ran to the bathroom and moved my friend out of the way. I began throwing handfulls of water at the snakes until they left. I sat down and saw the sun rise out the window. I changed back to my illusion. and smiled.
I woke up.
Seth
Saturday, February 14, 2009
My apologies to Stephenie Meyer
I have an apology to make. I judged harshly and without consideration. Twilight is not a horrible book. In fact what I have read so far is very good. I'm not saying that by the end i will love the book, or think it's amazing. But I am saying it is well written, and the story is intrigueing. I like it <.<
So I am sorry Stephenie Meyer.
there i said it.
Seth
So I am sorry Stephenie Meyer.
there i said it.
Seth
Love is a Love does
One year today (valentines day) my life changed. I met a girl that I fell in love with. For whatever reasons that the universe finds to do such things, it arranged a meeting of people. This meeting changed my life in many ways. It renewed my passion, my passion for life, and my passion as a man. It awoke me from a state of tired slothness. It changed my life, and then it ended.
I tend to choose my words carefully. Usually I say what I mean, though somtimes it takes some reading between the lines to understand what exactly I'm saying. When I say meeting and falling in love with Leila changed my life, I mean exactly that. It changed my life. It did not change me. I believe to the core, that who I am cannot change. If who I am changed I would no longer be me, and therefore would cease to exist. The passion I felt for her, the happiness I felt with her, the confidence, strength, and love that I experienced are things I still have. Things I can still feel. The same with the more negative aspects of it. Those things are still in me, just as they were one year ago today. And so I query, why am I not happy, not in love? Why do I not feel confident or strong?
Alot of the reason has to do with who I am, and the fact that I have not changed. The aspect of me that is affecting this, is that aspect of the crab. The ever loving, always guarded crab of cancer. I don't let myself feel these ways because basically, look where it got me? Hurt, sad, depressed, and stagnant. I tend to be very true to my astrological sign. When threatened or hurt I revert to my shell, my impenetrable shell. And there I remain. When something comes in and has an affect on my life, it has an affect on shell. And it all has to do with human growth.
Though I do not believe we can change who we are, I do believe who we are grows from experience. Growth can have different affects. As a metaphore take my shell. When Leila had an effect on my life, I grew too big for my shell. I was vulnerable and could not revert when worried. This caused me to experience life. And allowed me to feel that vulnerability, from which I grew. Though when it ended, I (as crabs do sometimes) found a bigger shell. One I could hide in for a very long time. One that would not let anyone in. One in which I could live with my own demons and darkness.
Today would have been mine and Leila's one year anniversary. If things had worked out. They did not, and I am alone. I have been so for half a year now. And before Leila it had been several years if not more since my last relationship. Half a year is a long time to spend in a shell. And it is not decorated very well, with little to no furniture. Though no matter the discomfort, I've thought alot, almost constantly, about my life and me. When I was with Leila I wanted to be the man she needed. I wanted to be that guy that was exactly what she needed. And it turns out i'm really good at doing that! Being what other people need. Unfortunately for me, what Leila needed in a guy was someone that would end up hurt. I think I played the part well. I'm not upset about it anymore, I'm not even that hurt about it anymore. I don't even blame her for anything. Aside from the stress of trying to make something work that felt like only one of us really wanted to, she really made me happy. And I really do love her.
Though after lots of thought and contimplation, I've decided to use my power. I believe in only two forms of power. Apparent power, and true power. Apparent power is the power that allow others to have the illusion of power in your life. This is the kind of power you give to, say a boss. You give them apparent power in your life. They have the illusion that what they say and decide has an effect on your life, and it does. Though only because you allow them that illusion. You could at any point in time say no. Or quit. There will be consequences yes. It might hurt you in the long run, but at any point you can take that apparent power from them. And that is true power. Having the ability to take apparent power away. True power is the power that only you hold. The power to affect your life and reality from within. In a way that absolutely no one else in this universe can do. God is apparent power, for even he cannot force you to believe in him.
I have grown far to tired of waiting for a catalyst to persuade myself to use my true power. I am far too tired of wanting to be who everyone needs to me to be. I am far too tired of living in my shell. And I am far, far too tired of being tired about everything.
I can't change the past by any means. I can't "get over" a women that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Though I can grow from it. I can move forward in life. Because my life doesn't change me. To think it does, is giving the things that happen to me, apparent power over myself. To know that, I, am what changes my life, is my true power.
Seth
I tend to choose my words carefully. Usually I say what I mean, though somtimes it takes some reading between the lines to understand what exactly I'm saying. When I say meeting and falling in love with Leila changed my life, I mean exactly that. It changed my life. It did not change me. I believe to the core, that who I am cannot change. If who I am changed I would no longer be me, and therefore would cease to exist. The passion I felt for her, the happiness I felt with her, the confidence, strength, and love that I experienced are things I still have. Things I can still feel. The same with the more negative aspects of it. Those things are still in me, just as they were one year ago today. And so I query, why am I not happy, not in love? Why do I not feel confident or strong?
Alot of the reason has to do with who I am, and the fact that I have not changed. The aspect of me that is affecting this, is that aspect of the crab. The ever loving, always guarded crab of cancer. I don't let myself feel these ways because basically, look where it got me? Hurt, sad, depressed, and stagnant. I tend to be very true to my astrological sign. When threatened or hurt I revert to my shell, my impenetrable shell. And there I remain. When something comes in and has an affect on my life, it has an affect on shell. And it all has to do with human growth.
Though I do not believe we can change who we are, I do believe who we are grows from experience. Growth can have different affects. As a metaphore take my shell. When Leila had an effect on my life, I grew too big for my shell. I was vulnerable and could not revert when worried. This caused me to experience life. And allowed me to feel that vulnerability, from which I grew. Though when it ended, I (as crabs do sometimes) found a bigger shell. One I could hide in for a very long time. One that would not let anyone in. One in which I could live with my own demons and darkness.
Today would have been mine and Leila's one year anniversary. If things had worked out. They did not, and I am alone. I have been so for half a year now. And before Leila it had been several years if not more since my last relationship. Half a year is a long time to spend in a shell. And it is not decorated very well, with little to no furniture. Though no matter the discomfort, I've thought alot, almost constantly, about my life and me. When I was with Leila I wanted to be the man she needed. I wanted to be that guy that was exactly what she needed. And it turns out i'm really good at doing that! Being what other people need. Unfortunately for me, what Leila needed in a guy was someone that would end up hurt. I think I played the part well. I'm not upset about it anymore, I'm not even that hurt about it anymore. I don't even blame her for anything. Aside from the stress of trying to make something work that felt like only one of us really wanted to, she really made me happy. And I really do love her.
Though after lots of thought and contimplation, I've decided to use my power. I believe in only two forms of power. Apparent power, and true power. Apparent power is the power that allow others to have the illusion of power in your life. This is the kind of power you give to, say a boss. You give them apparent power in your life. They have the illusion that what they say and decide has an effect on your life, and it does. Though only because you allow them that illusion. You could at any point in time say no. Or quit. There will be consequences yes. It might hurt you in the long run, but at any point you can take that apparent power from them. And that is true power. Having the ability to take apparent power away. True power is the power that only you hold. The power to affect your life and reality from within. In a way that absolutely no one else in this universe can do. God is apparent power, for even he cannot force you to believe in him.
I have grown far to tired of waiting for a catalyst to persuade myself to use my true power. I am far too tired of wanting to be who everyone needs to me to be. I am far too tired of living in my shell. And I am far, far too tired of being tired about everything.
I can't change the past by any means. I can't "get over" a women that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Though I can grow from it. I can move forward in life. Because my life doesn't change me. To think it does, is giving the things that happen to me, apparent power over myself. To know that, I, am what changes my life, is my true power.
Seth
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Something
The truth's one see's in their own reflection, are the lies they hold within.
Without an impure thought, purity would be unobtainable.
To suceed at life you have to fail at death.
To overcome your ego, you have to believe your good enough to do so.
In order to find peace, you have to be still.
In order to blow a house down, you have to be one bad ass mother fucking wolf.
Seth
Without an impure thought, purity would be unobtainable.
To suceed at life you have to fail at death.
To overcome your ego, you have to believe your good enough to do so.
In order to find peace, you have to be still.
In order to blow a house down, you have to be one bad ass mother fucking wolf.
Seth
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Mmm eggs
Mmm eggs, I love eggs. I'm going to write an impromptu ode to eggs
*clears throat*
Oh eggs how I love you in so many ways
I love you scrambled with ham and cheese
or fried with salt and pepper
I love the way you feel on the tip of my tongue
and the way I feel when you go down
I love how you can be a breakfast, lunch or dinner
or even an hor devour (that's deviled eggs)
I love to cover you with ketchup
or sometimes even salsa, or cheese
Oh eggs how I love you in so many ways.
Thank you. If I've made you shed a tear I know that my lifes work has been accomplished. If only everyone could feel the way that i do about eggs.. the world would be a better place.. I know it in my heart.
Seth
*clears throat*
Oh eggs how I love you in so many ways
I love you scrambled with ham and cheese
or fried with salt and pepper
I love the way you feel on the tip of my tongue
and the way I feel when you go down
I love how you can be a breakfast, lunch or dinner
or even an hor devour (that's deviled eggs)
I love to cover you with ketchup
or sometimes even salsa, or cheese
Oh eggs how I love you in so many ways.
Thank you. If I've made you shed a tear I know that my lifes work has been accomplished. If only everyone could feel the way that i do about eggs.. the world would be a better place.. I know it in my heart.
Seth
Naxxaramaas
Tonight I logged on to WoW for a moment before bed, and lo and behold I got invited to help my guild in Naxx! A ten man raid! I had a blast with the people in my new guild, even though we didn't get very far. That was fun.. and now bed, for work comes early to those who play late.
Seth
Seth
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Stupid is as stupid does
So i'm here at work, and i'm giving dallin a lunch break. So I thought I would write something.
Now I tend to make myself laugh alot. Sometimes my friends catch me laughing out loud to something i was thinking about in my head. That happened the other day while I was shopping with Dallin and Nadya. I was thinking about how they and the other shoppers around us would react, if I began to act mentally handicapped. I was thinking about all the ways I could portray a mentally handicapped person, following Dallin and Nadya around the store.
And then a thought occured to me. How is it possible to "act" mentally handicapped? How can we, as humans, portray other states of being? We can "act" happy, sad, mad, confused, excited, we can make ourselves cry, or fall down in faked fustration. I think we can "act" out these state of being because we have the capacity for them.
So then, why can we act, or pretend to be retarded? Because we as humans have the capacity to be so.
Just a thought.
Seth
Now I tend to make myself laugh alot. Sometimes my friends catch me laughing out loud to something i was thinking about in my head. That happened the other day while I was shopping with Dallin and Nadya. I was thinking about how they and the other shoppers around us would react, if I began to act mentally handicapped. I was thinking about all the ways I could portray a mentally handicapped person, following Dallin and Nadya around the store.
And then a thought occured to me. How is it possible to "act" mentally handicapped? How can we, as humans, portray other states of being? We can "act" happy, sad, mad, confused, excited, we can make ourselves cry, or fall down in faked fustration. I think we can "act" out these state of being because we have the capacity for them.
So then, why can we act, or pretend to be retarded? Because we as humans have the capacity to be so.
Just a thought.
Seth
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Life's little reminders
I am at work currently, typing this. I have alot of paper work that I am just having a hard time finding the motivation to do. I've had a hard time focusing as of late. I'm trying to quit smoking, and it's been an internal hell for me. I never realized how much I rely on cigarettes to cower my anxiety and stress. And I guess I never realized how anxious and stressed I really am. And now I just got too anxious to write anymore...
I'll post more later ^.^
I'll post more later ^.^
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